7 brilliant ways to beat stress in Shanghai

Learn how to keep your cool on Line 2. By Cat Nelson

I’m not a saint. Let’s get that out of the way early. I’m from California and while I like to think of myself as an easy, laidback and chilled-out type, if you speak with some of my colleagues I’m sure another story might be told. 

And Shanghai doesn’t necessarily help the case – it’s a full-on city, with passionate people working around the clock, perfectly primed for Type A’s or anyone with a proclivity towards stress. Top that up with a healthy dose of 24 million other people, and it’s the perfect storm. There’s really nothing like a pulsing sea of humans to make you confront your existence. Have you ever been on Line 2? 

So I talked to local Shanghai life coach Ans Hooft, who specialises in stress counselling, about how to cope with the city’s physical crush of people and its emotional-mental beating that is the 24/7, WeChat-pace of life here. 

‘The thing that I work on with people is the way that you talk to yourself, because you usually are the one stressing yourself out,’ says Hooft. ‘You can give yourself a panic attack by thinking, “Oh my God, all these people. I can’t breathe and I’m going to have a panic attack.” If you become aware of that, that’s step one and, then you can change those thoughts and talk to yourself in a more rational way.’ 

Hooft suggests trying to see the funny side of a situation. ‘That is something that works immediately. Like: Isn’t this hilarious? If I told this to people at home, people wouldn’t believe me. And I’m witnessing it. I’m living here.’ 

Finding the humourous slant to someone standing and clipping their nails on the metro while somehow simultaneously, and unbeknowingly, jabbing me with the sharp end of an umbrella? I mean, I can try... ‘In general, if we’re trying to be a bit more friendly towards ourselves and towards the people that we see doing silly things or what we think is silly,’ says Hooft, ‘then we make our lives a little bit easier.’ Just the reminder that what you might think is silly or inappropriate may not seem so to someone else goes a long way. 

I decide to try to put her positive thinking pep talk into action. In the eye of the storm of People’s Square station at rush hour, I remind myself of how empty New York City felt when I went back for the first time after living in China for three years, and I smile. It feels like progress in the face of the usual mantra of cursing that tumbles through my head alongside the jostling. 

On the escalator, I take a deep breath when it’s like everyone’s feet (on both sides!) have been glued to the steps. ‘You have to find out what works for you,’ Hooft advises in speaking about de-stressing. ‘And that can be different for everyone.’ Stuck on the slowly moving escalator, I whip out my phone and start replying to WeChat messages for work. Hooft’s other advice aside (unplug a bit, essentially), it helps me de-stress from the traffic jam at hand. Suddenly I nearly run straight into someone coming off the moving stairs, and now I’m that asshole stranger on the street banging around impolitely in the world. It’s a good reality check in reminding me that everyone’s just doing their best.

Remember, not all good things come in expensive packages. By Elysia Bagley

‘Money can’t buy happiness’ is one of the oldest and most clichéd phrases that we spout on the regular. But in a city that preaches luxury as a way of life, how do we find happiness beyond the dollar signs? Shanghai is notoriously expensive, more so every day, and with that comes tremendous pressure to carry the latest 8,000RMB iPhone in a Hermès handbag while sporting your adidasxYeezy trainers and sipping a glass of fancy Champagne. 

An associate of mine once picked up my year-old phone, laughed, and commented that it was too old. Malls brim with designer brands that most people can’t afford, club floors are for VIP tables instead of dancing, great meals need to be followed by a week of instant noodles. That Shanghai prestige is like the devil on your shoulder telling you to empty your wallet. 

But some wise person once said something like, ‘we spend money we don’t have to buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t even like.’ And while I don’t know that we should all fight the evils of consumerism by forsaking any purchases beyond what we absolutely need, this quote rings true, and I think it’s essential to take stock of what you need to be happy. 

Would you love these expensive things if no one else knew you had them? Would you drink Champagne on The Bund if it wouldn’t be documented via Instagram? Will it all still make you happy next year, or even next week? When it comes down to it, my favourite possessions are not the ones I’ve spent the most money on, but rather, those I use every day or which hold a pleasant memory. 

A cosy hoodie, my 50RMB Feiyues, the 10RMB basket of xiaolongbao on the corner, a good mug... It’s things inherently valuable that contribute to my happiness.

Happiness is just as much about giving as about taking, and these volunteering groups are always on the lookout for help. By Helen Roxburgh

It may sound clichéd to say ‘laughter is the best medicine’ but, it really does have more than its fair share of health benefits. But where can you get a dose of this marvellous medicine in Shanghai? By Adam Hopkins

Don’t be afraid to ask questions – you might just learn something. By Mandy Tie

When I first moved to London a couple of years ago, I thought the city was impersonal. Now living in Shanghai, I realise that London is actually quite warm in comparison. From my experience, trying to strike a conversation with strangers in Shanghai is like talking to a brick wall or digging a hole – there’s either no reaction or you feel like you’re prying (even though you’re just asking for a name). That, over time, can kill your enthusiasm for curiosity. 

To my own surprise, the time when I’ve found it easiest to talk with strangers for a prolonged period is actually in taxis (yes, I’ve had my fair share of late-night journeys from Puxi to Pudong). Sometimes drivers would start the conversation, other times I would. And the truth is, I got to know a great deal about these drivers: where they’re from, their children’s occupations, their plans for upcoming holidays and their favourite soap. And they learnt a lot about me. 

The drivers enjoyed answering my questions and always offered me discounts at the end of the trip. Of course, beyond monetary measures, I find this practice of curiosity immensely rewarding. With every question, I get a better understanding of things like the city’s demographic makeup, cultural clashes between different regions of China and the best places to score a late-night snack. 

So although people may say that ‘curiosity killed the cat’, I don’t buy that, I’ve learnt so much by staying curious, keeping it personal and asking questions. And I’m not going to stop.

Learn to beat those nagging and negative thoughts. By Jeremy Mitchell

I’m a fraud. I have fooled companies into paying me for work I am wildly unqualified to do and tricked a wonderful man into marrying me although he could have his pick of any woman in the world. The sad part is that my career and my fiancé simply top the ever-growing list of things that I am sure I am not good enough to have. 

In my rational mind I know that this crippling feeling of not being good enough is a figment of my imagination. I know that I have worked very hard and continue to work for everything that I have. Although I know this to be true and there are physical markers of achievement and proof around me that support this fact, I still cannot banish my own self-doubt. 

To better understand where this feeling comes from and how I can ultimately expel it from my mind, I consulted United Family Hospital's Clinical Psychologist Dr Shang Rasul Frederiksen.

'According to some of the world’s famous experts on the issue of self-esteem, the feeling of not being enough comes from our subconscious mind. Usually, it is expressed as self-bashing, anxiety-triggering thoughts,' explains Frederiksen. Sometimes the feeling of self-doubt echoes voices of our childhood – perhaps an anxious grandparent or disappointed parent, and other times we might compare ourselves to others. 'It is important to understand that the purpose of this inner voice is not to hurt us or to make us feel bad about ourselves. The purpose of this inner voice is ultimately to protect us, through making us want to be more invisible and avoid anything that potentially can make us target for the criticism and rejection,' she continues.

Being the only person with access to the soundtrack of my own self-doubt I have allowed it to overwhelm me at the smallest sign of change and scare me away from taking chances. I have always thought this voice in my head was my truth teller and that she knew something I did not. But if this is not the case, how do I learn to change my perspective?

'The best way to combat this inner critic is by doing the opposite: self-acceptance and self-compassion,' Frederiksen tells me. 'If not being good enough means that you completely messed up a presentation for work because you did not prepare, then you can plan to prepare well next time. By beating yourself up and concluding how worthless you are, you do more damage to yourself and your work motivation will suffer.'

When I try viewing this voice as a friend, not a foe, I’m able to have a positive dialogue with myself. Even though it still shouts at me to take the safer route, one that couldn’t possibly lead to me failing, when I am faced with a big decision, I am able to listen to her doubts and concerns without them crippling me. I am able to weigh my options and feel confident enough to listen to the braver part of myself every now and again. The part of me that knows some risks are worth taking even if you end up falling short. 

Of course, it's not always that easy. When these thoughts start creeping in Frederiksen suggests mindfulness as one way to stop them taking over. 'Practising mindfulness daily has been proven to work well with self-critical individuals. Research shows that mindfulness lowers self-criticism, reduces stress, anxiety, and depression,' she explains. 'It teaches us to detach from our thoughts and feelings and have the ability to choose not to relate to unhelpful thoughts that keep us stuck in stress and anxiety.' 

She says meditating daily, even for ten minutes, can help – just as long as I stick at it. She tells me things like sleeping enough, eating right, socialising, exploring new things and helping others have also been proven to help. Her final piece of advice? 'Be in the present moment and stop trying to be happy or super confident. You can't wait around for happiness in order start living.' And I can't argue with that.